Wednesday, June 22, 2016
Saturday, May 7, 2016
, and, after reading his upcoming celeb predictions for Cosmopolitan.com, your new favorite celebrity psychic. The Hollywood Reporter calls him the "Hollywood psychic with the highest batting average," and he has an impressive list of celebrity clientele, including Jennifer Lopez, Janet Jackson, and Adam Lambert. Today, he is putting his skill set to work by predicting what will happen with some of your favorite famous faces in the near future.
1. Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber
She's never going to be back with him. I don't see her in a serious relationship anytime soon. I will tell you — this is down the road, obviously — I do see that she's going to be a mother. She will get married and have children, but I don't see, actually, any connection with her and Bieber. I feel like she almost may cut off ties with him. They may become friends and things like that, but I don't see anything more.
As for Justin, I see him going back down the direction that he was going before. For a while, he was cleaning up his act and it seemed like he was changing, but I feel like now he's going back down that same path that he was before. I feel he's very frustrated with his musical career. He feels like things are not going the direction that he wants them to go. He wants to have more success. No, I'm really not getting an impression that's he's going to be changing. I still feel like different legal issues will come up for him.
2. Beyoncé and Jay Z
I see them having another baby. I don't see them splitting up. I don't feel like it's internally a very happy relationship, but I don't see them going toward a divorce. They may talk about it, but I don't feel like they're going to go that route.
3. Kylie Jenner and Tyga
I see her getting engaged ... this is more like next year. I don't see it being with Tyga though. They're not going to last.
4. Blac Chyna and Rob Kardashian
I think they're going to last. I actually see them being together for a very long time. I feel like they're very codependent ... it's kind of like where he needs to be right now. I do feel that she, even though it's kind of an odd dynamic, is very good to him, and my sense is that she does really care about him.
5. Taylor Swift and Calvin Harris
I see that relationship continuing, but I don't see them getting married or engaged ... they're going to split off within the next six to nine months or so.
6. Kim and Kanye
They'll stay together.
7. Khloé and Lamar
I don't see them reconciling. I mean, they're always going to be friends and I see them always connected to one another, but I don't see them getting back into a relationship.
8. Zayn and Gigi
I don't see them lasting. They're going to break up some time in the next year
2. Ignore foreplay altogether. The idea that foreplay is just something you do when you're lying in a bed at a beachfront condo with rose petals lining the bed is B.S. Foreplay should happen every time. How is that hard to understand?
3. Initiate some kinky stuff without asking first. It can be super-scary when a guy tries being dominant or aggressive in bed when you haven't expressly said, "Pin my hands behind my head" before he did it. Not asking before doing these potentially super-terrifying things is so stupid it hurts.
4. Whine about using a condom. Dude, you're not 13 years old. You've completed several years of college and you know about the risks for STIs and pregnancy. Get over the fact that it "just feels better without it."
5. Assume you don't want to have sex because you have your period. I'm not sure where guys got this idea that we don't ever want to have sex when we have our period, but when we're fooling around and we say, "Oh, by the way, I'm on my period," it's just a head's up. It doesn't necessarily mean, "and get away from me because that's gross." If it's OK with you, odds are it's OK with us.
6. Act like penetration alone is supposed to feel amazing. Have you read literally any article about sex from the last five years? This is not 1981 and we now thankfully know that most women need some form of clitoral stimulation to have an orgasm, so please stop expecting us to be impressed with your thrusting alone.
7. Treat cunnilingus like it's just foreplay for penetration. You do know that some people just go down on their girlfriends until they orgasm, and that's a full and complete sex act, right? It is.
8. Knead your boobs like dough. I swear guys who do this have never touched boobs before in their life because if you had, surely some woman has said, "Ow, what the hell?" when you did that, right?
9. Assume you finished because he did. Yes, because deep inside your penis is a mechanism that makes it so that when you have an orgasm, the whole world has one, right? Zzzz.
10. Ask for a blow job but refuse to go down on you. There's literally no why you should ask us to go down on you but not want to go down on us, and doing that makes you a horrible person, BTW.
11. Forget to keep lube handy. Like, you know, for when you forgot foreplay because you didn't think it mattered, or when you want to have a quickie. It's just a good thing to have.
12. Take it personally when you ask to use sex toys in bed. Why wouldn't you want help with us having an orgasm? If you can't do everything, either grow more arms or let us use our vibrator when we're having sex because it works for us. Simple as that.
13. Come before you do and then claim they're too tired to help you finish. Then. Maybe. Don't. Come. First.
14. Accidentally pull your hair because they're on top of it. I will never understand how guys manage to do this so often. Like, I know stuff happens in bed but also, you can feel when your body is on a bunch of hair, so just move it because it hurts. Thank you.
15. Brag about how many Magnum condoms they go through. Dude, we've seen the trashcan. You use regs ones. Let it go.
1. Just because there's more of them doesn't mean they turn us on more. Sometimes big breasts are less sensitive than small breasts. Other parts of our body enjoy foreplay too, y'know. Why not explore a little...
2. We don't all have massive nipples. Some do, some don't. Try not to act surprised, either way.
3. You'll encounter other women being obsessed with them more than other men. Sure, we might get some hardcore staring from the fellas, but other women will have a whole talk with us about them. They can't get enough and will always ask for a little honk. Just get used to this.
4. Don't make us work to a short deadline because we can't run anywhere.
5. We're just adjusting, not doing an alluring breast-caress for you. It's just not possible to spend a whole day in an underwired bra without having to make several gropey alterations along the way. We'll rummage in public because we must.
6. When we go on vacation with you, we're gonna end up more tanned on the front than on the back. Unless you want to dig a small well for our breasts to lie in while we lie on our front? Eh.
7. Don't be alarmed when we start playing with or fondling them. As you no doubt know, big breasts can be like great big, squidgy comfort blankets, so when we're watching TV, we sometimes wedge our hands into our bras, just because it feels lovely.
8. You will, at some point, put our bras on your head. You just will.
9. You might also work your muscles a bit. They're heavy.
10. We might complain about not being able to wear certain tops ... and not being able to buy dresses which fit our bottom half and our top half. Our kingdom for a slinky backless top. Sigh.
11. We get that you want to put your penis in between them. Which we may oblige to, but don't ask for it every day — it's really not what most would call a good time.
12. Tread carefully if you're buying us lingerie. We probably need something underwired, and we're a million different sizes in a million different shops. A double D isn't as big a size as you thought it was — oh, and also silky nighties don't really work that well ... and ... why don't we just come with you.
13. We know they're there and they're magnificent, but please focus on other stuff. We can't help our massive mammaries, but we can help our wit, intelligence and sense of humor — so be thoughtful with the compliments.
14. Don't react with such horror if we ever mention (or show you, actually, they're not pretty) our minimizer bras. Sometimes a beautiful top needs to be worn, and the fashion industry just doesn't cater for the chestily endowed that well yet.
15. You'll find a lot of bras in the living room. Because taking them off once we get on that sofa is a heaven that nothing else can replicate.