MAN U VS QPR IMPORTANT FOR RED

America wants its old hero, not 'Nice Guy' Tiger

in the hole, but very much in the mix: just. It was one of those days for Tiger Woods at Augusta. 

Moments when he looked like a high handicapper; others when he rekindled memories of the greatest golfer of modern times; and often one extreme deed followed the other.

It had to. Without his quite stunning ability to retrieve a lost cause, Woods might have been, if not out of contention, then left with a lot of catching up to do. 

In the woods: Tiger looks to see how he will play his way out of trouble

Hank Haney, his former swing coach whose recent book has caused Woods such public irritation, wrote of a man consumed by first-tee nerves. It seemed that way on Thursday: not to mention second-tee nerves, seventh-tee nerves, nerves on the ninth tee, quivers down the backbone, shakes in the knee bone, tremors in the thigh bone.

Shaking all over, really.

A lesser player might have been consumed by calamity. Perhaps Woods would have been at other times on his road to recovery. Not any more. ‘Feeling ready,’ he tweeted on Wednesday night and there are glimpses, certainly, of a returning force.

Woods played arguably the shot of the day to rescue a catastrophic tee shot on hole one. From a bedding of pine straw, guarded on three sides by trees, he struck the ball a good 230 yards to just short of the green and got up and down for par. 

In the trees: Woods tries to get back on course

The gallery were swooning even before they knew where the ball went — to be frank, many of them were ready to swoon even if Woods had nailed a 10-year-old in the front row squarely on the forehead, such is the reverence he commands — but the reaction was justified. This was the response of a master. Whether it is the response of a Masters winner remains to be seen.

He is going to need a more consistent performance than this if he is to put on his first green jacket since 2005 come Sunday. Every round has its scares and saves but nobody wins the Masters from the shade of the pines. 

On the scorching centre of the fairway, marching in plain sight, is where the champion will need to be these next few days, and Woods spent too little time out in the open. He did, however, take some very scenic routes.

On the second, Woods did not so much go left as shoot in the manner of a bottle rocket whose launching device has fallen over post-ignition. 

Crowd puller: Tiger Woods hits a shot on the ninth hole in front of a gallery of fans

Patrons — as paying visitors are called around here — scurried down a woodland Tarmac path on seeing a yellow marker flag waving incongruously from its hollow. 

Woods was through the trees, through the pine straw and into a collection of azalea bushes that had long since bloomed.

He did not even bother with the search. Having swiftly clarified the rule — he was in a lateral hazard, allowing a penalty drop — Woods did his best to shut out the chattering crowds and set about rescuing another par. 

Patrons prodded and peered into the foliage in search of his ball after his departure but to no avail. Bear Grylls would have struggled to track this one.

And so it continued. A 20-foot putt sunk for birdie on eight, a straightforward approach shot off the green and into the bunker on 13. His middle was a model of consistency; his final two holes were comparative carnage that ended with him rubbing his eyes as if suffering a migraine.

Not going to plan: Woods looks dejected as he misses a birdie putt on the 11th hole

Meanwhile, his demeanour remains as inconsistent as his game. At once unsmiling and in his bubble of mental isolation, then engaging, acknowledging the crowd with a grin or even a polite ‘thank you’.

This public-image stuff is plainly tough on Woods. Clearly, he wants to change, to reach out, as part of his rehabilitation. 

Clearly, it is not his natural state. Walking to the first tee, surrounded by well-wishers, all clues to his emotions were obliterated by that trademark thousand-yard stare, his eyes burning a hole at a point on the horizon, all human contact excluded. 

Leaving the first green he grinned awkwardly at the same bland cries of encouragement. He seems to be trying, but this is not his comfort zone.

Getting better: Woods ended Round 1 level par

Rory McIlroy described his own demeanour on a golf course as head up, looking around. He sounded like a meerkat — real, not market-comparing — in the way he stayed alert to his surroundings. 

Woods is the opposite. In his heyday he somehow remained entirely alone in a crowd. His security detail sized up the shuffling mass of humanity in his orbit, while the man treated them as if invisible.

If that no longer suits the way Woods wishes to be perceived, if he thinks his old self was rude or dismissive, the alternative may prove equally vexatious. Remembering to be a nice guy is hard work. 

A man is either given to outward shows of gratitude and emotion or he is not. Woods at Augusta occasionally seemed as if he had launched a Nice Guy computer programme that had gremlins in the start-up phase. It flickered to life with a hint of a smile, then died. And the irony is, the gallery could not care either way.

Going for glory: Woods is looking to add to his four previous Masters titles

It seemed nice to get a friend request from Woods, but if the best he had to offer was a scowl — and sometimes the programme failed entirely, and it was — then that was acceptable, too. Really, they just want their hero back. 

The guy who made the nation feel good about itself, who buoyed the stock market each Monday, who afforded so much reflected glory. They want him standing on the first tee, facing down Augusta National with coldness like he used to.

He bogeyed the 17th, and on 18 he went from the trees to the seated patrons, possibly via a picnic hamper, and ended up bogeying that, too.

Final score: level par. Not the worst, indeed better than it could be, but of no use to the locals. 

They want Captain America, not this misfiring Harry Houdini

Dennis the Man United Menace! Bailey's hat-trick can be an inspiration for QPR

 donated for a charity match involving Birmingham City All-Stars next month and keep it for himself.

After all, United owe him one.

It is 20 years since Bailey, then a striker for QPR, destroyed United on their own turf and changed the course of the title race.

Scroll down to see highlights of that famous match at Old Trafford in 1992

Dennis

The Manchester United

Menace

 

HOW THEY LINED UP

MANCHESTER UNITED: Schmeichel; Parker, Bruce, Pallister, Blackmore; Webb, Phelan (Giggs), Ince; McClair, Hughes, Sharp. 

Manager: Alex Ferguson.

Scorer: McClair 82.

QPR: Stejskal; Bardsley, McDonald, Peacock, Wilson; Barker, Holloway, Wilkins, Sinton; Bailey, Wegerle. 

Manager: Gerry Francis.

Scorers: Sinton 3, Bailey 5, 58, 85.

Attendance: 38,554New Year’s Day 1992: the day after Sir Alex Ferguson had turned 50, and the Old Trafford boss was closing in on United’s first title in a quarter of a century.

His team were top of the table, unbeaten at home and 9-2 on favourites to be crowned First Division champions ahead of Leeds in the last season before the launch of the new FA Premiership.

What happened next will give struggling QPR hope for their trip to Old Trafford on Sunday and encouragement to Manchester City that all is not lost as they try to peg back the champions and stop Ferguson winning his 13th Premier League title.

On a memorable Wednesday evening, Bailey claimed the only hat-trick of his professional career to give QPR their first — and last — away win over United as they stunned the league leaders 4-1 on live television. 

Brazilian legend Ronaldo is the only other visiting player to score three at Old Trafford in the Ferguson era, for Real Madrid in 2003.

‘I’m in good company,’ says  Bailey with a big smile. He still has the adidas matchball from that day. Half of it is signed by his QPR team-mates, including Ray Wilkins, Andy Sinton and Ian  Holloway. The other half is blank. Bailey cringes. 

‘At the end of the game Alan McDonald, who I think was skipper that day, picked up the ball and booted it into the crowd above the dug-outs,’ he recalls.

‘Someone managed to get it back and the lads told me to have it signed. I’d never scored a hat-trick before so I thought I would.

‘I went into the United dressing room, pushed the door open with a big grin on my face and said, “Can you sign my ball please?”.

‘I can remember they were all  sitting down and Steve Bruce was almost directly in front of me. He had his head down and I’m standing there saying again, “Can you sign my ball please?”.

Super Hoop: Bailey scored a hat-trick at Old Trafford to knock Manchester United off their title surge

‘I didn’t get a whisper. Absolute silence. In the end I thought, “This ain’t going to happen”.

‘It was only afterwards that I was told Sir Alex Ferguson had just given the lads the hairdryer treatment. He was obviously behind the door when I opened it but I didn’t see him. It was a bit naive of me and a very bad time to be  asking for the ball to be signed.’ 

Injury ended Bailey’s season shortly afterwards. He left Loftus Road and the top flight, after a series of loan moves, with a record of 10 goals from 38 league games.

Still looking fit at 46, the likeable south Londoner lives around the corner from his ex-wife and two young daughters in Birmingham, where he played for one of his 18 professional and non-League clubs before retiring five years ago.

These days Bailey does football coaching and community work through his personal website (www.dennislbailey.wordpress.com) and his church, the Renewal Christian Centre in Solihull. 

He plays for the church team in the West Midlands Christian League Division Two as a midfielder (‘You try not to run too much otherwise you won’t make it next week’) as well as Birmingham City’s All-Stars.

‘We’ve got a game on May 13 against Newlands Bishop Farm, who care for people with learning disabilities,’ he says. ‘The only club who sent a signed football for us to auction off were Man United which I thought was fantastic. We were chuffed to bits. I know, a signed football. Ironic isn’t it. You couldn’t make it up!’  

His man-of-the-match bottle of champagne lasted nearly 10 years, but Bailey has no other mementoes of that day. Mother Lillian and elder sister Angela keep the pictures and newspaper cuttings down in London, but the footage is there for all to see on YouTube.

Change of direction: Bailey retired five years ago and now was, among other things, in school coaching

‘Yeah I’ve seen it,’ says Bailey. ‘How many times? I wouldn’t say hundreds but when I want to cheer myself up that’s one of the ways.’ 

The 4-1 defeat was United’s heaviest at Old Trafford since 1977. Liverpool equalled it three years ago before City walloped them 6-1 this season. 

‘Twenty years is a long time,’ says Bailey. ‘It’s gone quick. I’m not in the spotlight now so I don’t tire of talking about it. I got letters from Leeds fans thanking me. Now I tend to meet more Man United fans than anything.

Find the way: Bailey is also a born-again Christian and a member of the Renewal Christian Centre

‘As far as my career is concerned I’m going to be remembered for the hat-trick. A lot of people won’t know much else about what happened, but I’m not complaining.

‘These days I give motivational talks in schools and youth clubs to help kids stay on the right track, and the hat-trick is the talking point. Everybody wants to know what is was like and how I felt.

‘It’s probably difficult for them to comprehend because it was before they were born. They look at you as if you’re not telling the truth then phone their dads to see if they’ve heard of me.’ 

Raised in Brixton, Bailey can tell his audience a thing or two about staying on the right track. He was 17 when he turned to God and 22 when he got a late start in football with Crystal Palace. 

‘I don’t begrudge players nowadays buying what they can afford. If that’s what makes you happy, good luck to you. The flashiest car I had was an Astra convertible.

‘I would say I’m content. It doesn’t matter what situation you find yourself in, being content is what gives you peace.’ 

Bailey is talking in a side room at his church before heading over the road for his weekly coaching  session at the local school.

Times have changed but Ferguson is still in charge at Old Trafford and Ryan Giggs, an 18-year-old substitute for Mike Phelan that night, is likely to be in his squad again two decades later. Another member of the United team, Mark Hughes, is now QPR manager.

‘They will have to be positive and take their opportunities because United don’t have many off-days,’ says Bailey. ‘But there will be little expectation on QPR, which is the same as when we went there.’ 

United have been warned.